Post by Demon of the Fall on Jan 18, 2006 12:18:29 GMT -5
This is just about as funny as the Chuck Norris facts:
BigPimpJrich once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures BigPimpJrich allows to live.
When BigPimpJrich goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There is no "I" in team. There are three "I"s in BigPimpJrich. Fuck you, team.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects BigPimpJrich could use to kill you, including the room itself.
BigPimpJrich has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and BigPimpJrich ate him for good measure.
BigPimpJrich once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
When BigPimpJrich was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's BigPimpJrich!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
BigPimpJrich is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
BigPimpJRich's penis is so large, it has its own penis, and BigPimpJRich's penis's penis is bigger than your penis.
BigPimpJrich is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When BigPimpJrich jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets JRiched instead.
BigPimpJrich has two speeds: walk and kill.
BigPimpJrich played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
BigPimpJrich coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
BigPimpJrich can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
If you were to lock BigPimpJrich in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this BigPimpJrich replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
BigPimpJrich can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
BigPimpJrich was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
BigPimpJrich is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
On his birthday, BigPimpJrich randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make BigPimpJrich smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
It takes BigPimpJrich 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
BigPimpJrich can divide by zero. In fact, BigPimpJRich invented zero.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by BigPimpJrich, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
You are what you eat. That is why BigPimpJrich's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
BigPimpJrich's facial hair is too afraid of him to grow.
Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of BigPimpJrich. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Arctic researchers.
BigPimpJrich doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
BigPimpJRich invented Spanish. But not in Spain. Por que? Porque he COULD.
BigPimpJrich is cool. In fact, if cool came in colors, BigPimpJrich would be an electromagnetic spectrum.
The Inuit tribe of North America has 37 words for BigPimpJRich.
BigPimpJRich adds razor blades to his protein shakes.
BigPimpJRich felt "emotional" was too long of a word to describe a genre of music, so he assassinated the leader of the Word Control Association of America and appointed himself president. His first act was to create the term "emo".
BigPimpJRich’s belly button is neither an innie nor an outie.
Never play Rock, Paper, Scissors with BigPimpJRich. He can read minds - and he never holds back.
BigPimpJRich started lucid dreaming in his mothers womb.
The internet was BigPimpJRich’s third grade science project.
BigPimpJRich was so frustrated with all the people who have NO SENSE OF HUMOR that he persuaded George W. Bush that Iraq had WMDs just for the hell of it.
BigPimpJRich is constructed entirely of the element “Awesome.”
BigPimpJRich's shit does not stink. It smells of rich mahogany or puppies, depending on diet. It can be used as currency, and has a favorable exchange rate to every currency at all times, forever.
BigPimpJRich does not use adverbs. He uses verbjectives.
BigPimpJRich invented the phrase "PWN3D" after a fist-fight with Ghandi, the details of which he has never released.
Before modifications by BigPimpJRich, computer keyboards did not include the letters J and T, or the number 7.
BigPimpJRich is such a furious masturbator that he has had seven penis transplants.
BigPimpJRich injected hot solder into his blood stream when auditioning for the role of Wolverine in the movie X-Men.
BigPimpJRich once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by calmly telling it what to do.
BigPimpJRich speaks in THX certified sound.
BigPimpJRich's skin is two hundred million times more heat resistant than a space shuttle's heat plates. He demonstrated this by jumping into a volcano. He emerged through an eruption six months later with the corpses of six dead Balrogs slain by hand.
BigPimpJRich has racked up over nine billion Flawless Victories in Mortal Kombat. Not as a character, he went into the game itself.
The part of BigPimpJRich is played by Burt Reynolds.
Sdrawkcab delleps looc neve si hciRJpmiPgiB. (BigPimpJRich is even cool spelled backwards)
BigPimpJRich is the only human being to have gone through the heat pasturization process.
BigPimpJRich donates 90% of his useable blood to the Red Cross every other Tuesday, but insists it go to starving vampires.
BigPimpJRich is actually the one singing during Ashlee Simpson's concerts.
BigPimpJRich is credited with the phrase "revenge is a dish best served cold" when he physically manifested the idea of revenge into a dinner plate, froze it, and then beat his enemy to death with it.
BigPimpJRich once had Parkinsons disease but he shook it off.
BigPimpJRich can talk into glass jars and close them, then open them to hear his own voice.
BigPimpJRich doesn't have sex. He is sex.
Not only can BigPimpJRich comprehend the concept of infinity, he can write it as a multiple of pi.
A famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that BigPimpJRich is the most beautiful.
BigPimpJRich cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred.
On the 6th day, God created man. On the 7th day, he rested. Not so much to recuperate, but rather to prepare himself for the work he was going to do on the next day. For it was on that day -- the 8th day - that God created "BigPimpJRich"
BigPimpJRich once ate an entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Crop circles are BigPimpJRich's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
BigPimpJrich once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures BigPimpJrich allows to live.
When BigPimpJrich goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
There is no "I" in team. There are three "I"s in BigPimpJrich. Fuck you, team.
In an average living room there are 1,242 objects BigPimpJrich could use to kill you, including the room itself.
BigPimpJrich has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and BigPimpJrich ate him for good measure.
BigPimpJrich once beat Super Mario Bros 3 without even touching his Nintendo controller. He just yelled at his TV in between bites of his "Filet of Child" sandwich, and the game beat itself out of fear.
When BigPimpJrich was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's BigPimpJrich!" Then she had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
BigPimpJrich is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
BigPimpJRich's penis is so large, it has its own penis, and BigPimpJRich's penis's penis is bigger than your penis.
BigPimpJrich is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
When BigPimpJrich jumps into a body of water, he doesn't get wet. The water gets JRiched instead.
BigPimpJrich has two speeds: walk and kill.
BigPimpJrich played Russian Roulete with a fully loaded gun and won.
BigPimpJrich coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
BigPimpJrich can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
If you were to lock BigPimpJrich in a room with a guitar, a year later you would have the greatest album ever, it would sweep the Grammy's. When asked why he doesn't do this BigPimpJrich replied "Because Grammy's are for queers." Then he ate a knife to show the seriousness of his response.
BigPimpJrich can win a game of Monopoly without owning any property.
BigPimpJrich was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. He then wore her carcass like it was a coat while he made his rounds at the local children's hospital.
BigPimpJrich is not lactose intolerant, he just refuses to put up with lactose's shit.
On his birthday, BigPimpJrich randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
It takes 14 puppeteers to make BigPimpJrich smile, but only 2 to make him destroy an orphanage.
It takes BigPimpJrich 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
BigPimpJrich can divide by zero. In fact, BigPimpJRich invented zero.
In fine print at on the last page of the Guiness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by BigPimpJrich, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone has ever come to matching him.
You are what you eat. That is why BigPimpJrich's diet consists entirely of bricks, steel, and the tears of small children.
BigPimpJrich's facial hair is too afraid of him to grow.
Magnetic compasses do not point toward true North - they point in the direction of BigPimpJrich. He just likes to sit on a lawn chair and shout, "Jackets are for pussies!" at the Arctic researchers.
BigPimpJrich doesn't believe in rubber condoms. Instead, he sticks his penis in a girl, and uses that girl as a condom while fucking another.
BigPimpJRich invented Spanish. But not in Spain. Por que? Porque he COULD.
BigPimpJrich is cool. In fact, if cool came in colors, BigPimpJrich would be an electromagnetic spectrum.
The Inuit tribe of North America has 37 words for BigPimpJRich.
BigPimpJRich adds razor blades to his protein shakes.
BigPimpJRich felt "emotional" was too long of a word to describe a genre of music, so he assassinated the leader of the Word Control Association of America and appointed himself president. His first act was to create the term "emo".
BigPimpJRich’s belly button is neither an innie nor an outie.
Never play Rock, Paper, Scissors with BigPimpJRich. He can read minds - and he never holds back.
BigPimpJRich started lucid dreaming in his mothers womb.
The internet was BigPimpJRich’s third grade science project.
BigPimpJRich was so frustrated with all the people who have NO SENSE OF HUMOR that he persuaded George W. Bush that Iraq had WMDs just for the hell of it.
BigPimpJRich is constructed entirely of the element “Awesome.”
BigPimpJRich's shit does not stink. It smells of rich mahogany or puppies, depending on diet. It can be used as currency, and has a favorable exchange rate to every currency at all times, forever.
BigPimpJRich does not use adverbs. He uses verbjectives.
BigPimpJRich invented the phrase "PWN3D" after a fist-fight with Ghandi, the details of which he has never released.
Before modifications by BigPimpJRich, computer keyboards did not include the letters J and T, or the number 7.
BigPimpJRich is such a furious masturbator that he has had seven penis transplants.
BigPimpJRich injected hot solder into his blood stream when auditioning for the role of Wolverine in the movie X-Men.
BigPimpJRich once lost the remote, but maintained control of the TV by calmly telling it what to do.
BigPimpJRich speaks in THX certified sound.
BigPimpJRich's skin is two hundred million times more heat resistant than a space shuttle's heat plates. He demonstrated this by jumping into a volcano. He emerged through an eruption six months later with the corpses of six dead Balrogs slain by hand.
BigPimpJRich has racked up over nine billion Flawless Victories in Mortal Kombat. Not as a character, he went into the game itself.
The part of BigPimpJRich is played by Burt Reynolds.
Sdrawkcab delleps looc neve si hciRJpmiPgiB. (BigPimpJRich is even cool spelled backwards)
BigPimpJRich is the only human being to have gone through the heat pasturization process.
BigPimpJRich donates 90% of his useable blood to the Red Cross every other Tuesday, but insists it go to starving vampires.
BigPimpJRich is actually the one singing during Ashlee Simpson's concerts.
BigPimpJRich is credited with the phrase "revenge is a dish best served cold" when he physically manifested the idea of revenge into a dinner plate, froze it, and then beat his enemy to death with it.
BigPimpJRich once had Parkinsons disease but he shook it off.
BigPimpJRich can talk into glass jars and close them, then open them to hear his own voice.
BigPimpJRich doesn't have sex. He is sex.
Not only can BigPimpJRich comprehend the concept of infinity, he can write it as a multiple of pi.
A famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the English language, of all the endless combinations of words in all of history, that BigPimpJRich is the most beautiful.
BigPimpJRich cannot be created or destroyed, only transferred.
On the 6th day, God created man. On the 7th day, he rested. Not so much to recuperate, but rather to prepare himself for the work he was going to do on the next day. For it was on that day -- the 8th day - that God created "BigPimpJRich"
BigPimpJRich once ate an entire cake at a bachelor party before anyone could tell him there was a stripper in it.
Crop circles are BigPimpJRich's way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.
